I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
