I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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