She announced her abortion via fbk
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
