Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
