woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
