I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
