"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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