maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
