I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
