either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Randomize
