When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
