roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize