Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
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i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
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Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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