the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
