just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
