it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I need moral support for this bender
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Randomize
