he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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