I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
