why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
