Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
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