So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
