My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
