I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
