I wish I could punch you in the face.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I woke up under a house in Key West
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
