I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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