I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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