anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
