cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Randomize
