my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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