1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
