Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
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When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
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The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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