after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
