Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
