Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
