we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
