he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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