Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
