I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
