fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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