I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
