I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
