D3 body, D1 cock
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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