dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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