My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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