I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
