Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
