Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
