Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
