i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Are my feet made of real feet?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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