she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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