He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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