fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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