I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
