the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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